Texas Hold'em.... and don't let go

Bobette:
It was a regular Saturday night… or not. After an early morning call (that’s 1 pm for me) from my friend Rosie, the plans for the night were set. It was poker night at her house, which I never ever usually attend because I don’t play poker; well that and also between desperately trying to find the man of my dreams in a seedy club and playing poker in a smoke-filled basement in RDP with hairy straight Italian men, ummm the choice is blindingly clear! (Granted if any of my greasy fellow countrymen had an iota of hotness I’d try and use the power of conversion, alas I rest my case.)

The night had gone without a hitch, we were about 20 peeps spread across 3 tables, the men had two poker tables and us ladies had our own table playing Joke’R’ummy… Anywho, as this big burly 300 pound, 6’2 dude named “Guido” downed his nth bottle, he started chasing around some of the male newbies and trying to kiss them. He then sat down, let out a few brain farts i.e. branding himself gay or something. I jumped in ascertaining that I was 100% homo and I supported him. Now for some reason he went all Isaiah Washington on me and started spewing the word faggot ad nauseum. A few of the dudes had to hold him back because he was attempting to come towards me repeatedly (and it was definitely not to kiss me) they then pushed Yokozuna Washington the 2nd outside and finally wrestled him to the floor. And wouldn’t you know no one could drive him home in his own car since it will only start with a breathalyzer test. But this is RDP, a few calls were made, a few bodies were dropped and the man was back in his cave in no time. (Well maybe no bodies but…).

Once the air was cleared I was informed he incessantly mentioned me all night to all, relaying this story about how he defended me against some homophobe at a Halloween party and I disrespectfully told him to shut the hell up. The big twist is this Halloween party took place two years ago and no one remembers this incident to have taken place. I’m so writing to ABC about this Monday morn… Errr… God knows I’ve seen some horrid closet-cases and this one fits the bill though his friends only like to believe he has no business drinking (no duh), no one really could agree.
You say tomato, we say… Raquel?

Raquel:
Really all I have to say is this: If, he wants to fuck a guy all he has to do is ask. Stupid mother fucker… Next time hon… send me to your defense everybody is scared of a dyke. And for that matter, who uses the word faggot anyway, other then illiterate, ignorant degenerates who need to breathe into a pump to start their car and probably will marry their cousin.