Dada da da daaaaaaaaaaaaa I’m loving it....

Bobette:
I think I’m insane… No, really. Emotions kids, are a thing of the crazies… If I had to pick my soul-mate, the one who’s supposed to be my equal, the one who completes me, I think I found him Saturday night at McDonald's. It was 12:05 am. He was tall, dark and handsome, had blood on his nose down to his shirt. Oh and on his way out he stopped to ask me if the blood was mine. My love life with him probably would have been in a better state than it is now. Love should be like that Bjork video with the robots fornicating while they’re being assembled from bad GM parts. At least Halitosis is not a thing of the machines. What’s got me all riled up you might ask? Remember the previous post, the one about the importance of facing the truth? The one with the wiser-than-thou and elaborate Hamlet quote? Well of course it was all for a boy, what else? A boy who just last week I assured I was not stalking him for the fun of it, but because deep down I cared! So the following week he spots me in a club mid air making out with someone else. While I tried to assure him we were practicing for the ‘So you think you can dance?’ auditions I don’t think he believed me.

You say Tomato, I say… Fool!

Raquel:

Bobette…. My young and foolish Bobette. You have to stop, you fucking psycho!!! My love your well on your way to becoming a lesbian, with all the lesbian drama it entails. Let it go honey, there is nothing good that can come out of this for you. Move on and get a life!!! Sorry Hun but its time for some tough love.

I have a crush

Raquel:
OK so like I have been telling everyone, the last 2 minutes of Six Feet Under are the best 2 minutes of television I have ever watched. The whole 5 seasons are damn good, but the way it ends is really, really wonderful. I re-watched it like 5 times because I did not want to miss anything. Not to worry, I will not be giving away the ending, I would never think of spoiling that for anyone. The song that plays during those last scenes is amazing too. Through that show I discovered Sia. She is more folkie then I usually like, but her voice and lyrics are truly unique. The video for Breath me is amazing, and I though I would share it with our readers. She is a true original, and she needs to come to Montreal.

Bobette:
The last minutes of Six Feet Under are absolutely tragic and searing. A fitting ending to a sprawling series about every conceivable subject concerning life, and in turn death. Raquel I honour your crush!

The Queer Tomato has sprouted again and has never been queerer!

Bobette:
My brief stint in Payless rehab is officially over. Oh dear, so much has happened in our very brief absence, Britney has not only become the first mainstream butch trucker but she’s revolutionized common gay lingo. Just the other day while getting my pedicure done I overheard a fellow sister promise his boyfriend he’d call him back after getting ‘Britney’d’ down there. Anna-Nicole is now enjoying mashpotaters in heaven, RIP my dear. It took 21,000$ to get Anderson Cooper out of the closet while others remain stuck deep inside behind the shoe rack and ties. As for me, things could be slightly better, I enjoyed my two week stint visiting Cornell Uni, I’m still working out becoming a lesbian and well while we’re at it I need to get Britney’d soon! (I’m slightly kidding.) If I’d have to write down any more about my life I’d start with me shopping at Wal-Mart today, you get the point so I’ll just go ahead and let Raquelsita re-introduce her sexy self. Raquel, where have you been?

Raquel:
I have been working and that’s about it. As far as these girls are concerned I feel like they lost their mother fucking minds. And I actually feel for them. Women in general have come such a long way, but BritBrit and Anna are perfect examples of what we still are dealing with as women. Weight and beauty above brains and well being. And this crazy need to be with someone anyone no matter how bad they are. Anyway that’s a whole other issue I might tackle another time. Bobettesky so happy you are back I missed you.

Is Faggot a bad word?

What the fuck…. How drunk was Isaiah Washington to have the guts to say the “F” word at the Golden Globes in front of press from all around the world. We had already let him slide once. And what are they doing about it, sending him to rehab!!!! NO really, what the fuck. When did being an ignorant asshole become politically correct? With the Bush administration!!! I was watching fellow lesbian Ellen last week and Wanda Sykes said something that was really funny but kinda sad too “Is gay the new black?” I am so sick of everybody saying that we are taking it overboard if we demand Mr Washington get fired. He should no longer have a career.

Is this a bad word?

If it was reversed and TR Knight said the “N” word all hell would break loose. Most people are telling our community that we should just drop it… C’mon, what would be said of anyone asking the black community to just drop it, after the Michael Richards rant? Bigotry is bigotry in any color, shape or form. I present to you both videos…. You decide which is more offensive.

Bobette:
I just don't understand the latest trend with the likes of Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, Isaiah Washington and more recently Jane Goody. You may not have heard about Jane Goody, the D-list celebrity who was one of the housemates on the UK's edition of Celebrity Big Brother. After she made several racist remarks about an Indian Bollywood star that was also a cast-mate, a huge controversy erupted. To make a long story short, Goody publicly declared she is about to visit India in order to experience its "healing nature." Sound like a familiar pattern? I must admit I shouldn't be one to speak, last week I made a rude remark to a lady on the street for wearing these awful red polk-a-dot shoes with frills. Realizing I had committed a serious error, we both took a hand in hand stroll to Payless Shoes in order to atone for my sins...

You say tomato, we say... get real.

Tyra Banks weighs more than I do....

Bobette:
Yes, today I’m all about seeing the glass half full! The past few days haven’t gotten me singing and jumping. "Above all things, to thine own self be true" said Hamlet. Ok, I’m a gay man so giving my opinion and advice, unwanted or not, is mandatory. In other words I rarely have trouble expressing who I am to people but I’m rapidly learning being as honest with myself is that much more difficult. Why is it when we have the truth so blindingly clear before us, it takes us that much time to want to catch up to it??

I’m leaving for New York today and hopefully enjoy the change of scenery. My sister and her boyfriend jointly live there and he’s offered for me to come and visit his world so to speak. He’s in medical school and I’ll be attending some classes with him and visiting campus. Not your typical sex in the city episode but I’m very interested in seeing what the experience has to offer. Of course the Julia Roberts in me hopes I’ll clumsily create a mess only to fall face to face to a hot doctor in the making… To be continued.

PS.: Rosie deems it necessary I meet a doctor, she informed me her little flower area has been in pain for some time now: Or at least it’s her valiant attempt to tell me her sex life is so much better than mine. Raquel I’m becoming a lesbian!

Raquel:

Bobette you can’t become a lesbian, trust me you have it easy as a gay man. At least your kind are not all co-dependent nut jobs. I hope I am not being too harsh with the lesbos, I am just more bitter than usual cause I am "p-m-s-sing". Sweetie have fun in "The big Apple"…. Don’t forget to bring me back something fabulous.

Raquel: Pincess of Power?

Raquel:
Bad tripping down memory lane… how old am I!!! It’s kinda scary how close it is to life…. (Just stay with me.) All of us, everyday “battle” something or someone. Our boss, our family, ourselves and for the most part we come out of it stronger and better. I know it’s corny but it’s true. I just had the worst year of my life, but right now for some reason I am seeing things with new eyes. I fought through it, and with the help of my friends I am better and stronger. And ready for more, so bring it on bitches!!! I will just take out my sword… (pun intended!!!)

No kidding this was my favourite cartoon. I might not have known I was gay back then but now the truth is out. I had a huge crush on She-Ra… can you blame me? She’s hot!!!

Bobette:
Tell me about it, 2006 was so last year urgh! I definitely feel I came out of 2006 for the better despite being my own worst enemy. Let’s all quote Irma Thomas together on this and sing: Time is on my siiiiiide!! (Until you’re 62, then Botox is on your side)

P.S.: Why didn’t I get the idea to start yesterday’s blog with the credits for the Sopranos…?

P.S. 2: I hope that sword pun is no metaphor for a strap-on…

Texas Hold'em.... and don't let go

Bobette:
It was a regular Saturday night… or not. After an early morning call (that’s 1 pm for me) from my friend Rosie, the plans for the night were set. It was poker night at her house, which I never ever usually attend because I don’t play poker; well that and also between desperately trying to find the man of my dreams in a seedy club and playing poker in a smoke-filled basement in RDP with hairy straight Italian men, ummm the choice is blindingly clear! (Granted if any of my greasy fellow countrymen had an iota of hotness I’d try and use the power of conversion, alas I rest my case.)

The night had gone without a hitch, we were about 20 peeps spread across 3 tables, the men had two poker tables and us ladies had our own table playing Joke’R’ummy… Anywho, as this big burly 300 pound, 6’2 dude named “Guido” downed his nth bottle, he started chasing around some of the male newbies and trying to kiss them. He then sat down, let out a few brain farts i.e. branding himself gay or something. I jumped in ascertaining that I was 100% homo and I supported him. Now for some reason he went all Isaiah Washington on me and started spewing the word faggot ad nauseum. A few of the dudes had to hold him back because he was attempting to come towards me repeatedly (and it was definitely not to kiss me) they then pushed Yokozuna Washington the 2nd outside and finally wrestled him to the floor. And wouldn’t you know no one could drive him home in his own car since it will only start with a breathalyzer test. But this is RDP, a few calls were made, a few bodies were dropped and the man was back in his cave in no time. (Well maybe no bodies but…).

Once the air was cleared I was informed he incessantly mentioned me all night to all, relaying this story about how he defended me against some homophobe at a Halloween party and I disrespectfully told him to shut the hell up. The big twist is this Halloween party took place two years ago and no one remembers this incident to have taken place. I’m so writing to ABC about this Monday morn… Errr… God knows I’ve seen some horrid closet-cases and this one fits the bill though his friends only like to believe he has no business drinking (no duh), no one really could agree.
You say tomato, we say… Raquel?

Raquel:
Really all I have to say is this: If, he wants to fuck a guy all he has to do is ask. Stupid mother fucker… Next time hon… send me to your defense everybody is scared of a dyke. And for that matter, who uses the word faggot anyway, other then illiterate, ignorant degenerates who need to breathe into a pump to start their car and probably will marry their cousin.

You say tomato, we say ...

What do a 20 year old Homo aka "The tainted virgin" and a 30 year old cynical Lezbot have in common?

Queer Tomato: a saucy mix of experiences, ideas, commentaries, opinions and debauchery in wonderful Montreal.


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